Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
