I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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