I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
