Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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