Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
