i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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