Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
