If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
