Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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