Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
