seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
