Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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