the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
