Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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