i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
