I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
