I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's blow job season.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
