she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you still have your period?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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