'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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