oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
