I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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