I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
