My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
