does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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