This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
