like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
