He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
