I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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