Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
