i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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