Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
