pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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