my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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