i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
