Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
