corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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