Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love accidental penises.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wear drunk well.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
