They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
