a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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