He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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