I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
