If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
