I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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