I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
and you fell through a lawn chair
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
