Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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