Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
