I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
