what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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