For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
