maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
