i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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