I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
