so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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