i think my tv is drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
